JUST BE.

I’m writing this blog to get a reason across to myself so that maybe I’ll finally understand things going on in my life. If you take something away from it, awesome. :)

I remember being miserable after a break up & sitting there hating on the guy every chance I got, but that is so petty. Saying those hurtful things didn’t even make me feel better. So, I don’t know why they were coming out of my mouth. I have no clue why I didn’t just stop caring. Would that not be easier? I mean, he had moved on, why shouldn’t I? Choosing to hang on to the anger & hurt was a terrible idea. Luckily, I tend (not always) to be a person who can discard the relationship & move on. I have a break up ritual: cry, friends, sweets, seventeen magazine, & sleep. You laugh, but it works. After said ritual, I’m done. Clean slate. Cassie is newly single & ready to take on the world. However, there are certain circumstances where I have clung on to that situation with all my might, but I started to learn.

A couple months ago my car flat out quit running. I was terrified & stressed & had no idea what to do. Part of me, a large part of me, just wanted to lie in bed & cry because trying to find a new car meant being an adult & doing things on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I like taking care of myself, but buying a car is scary business. Anyway, I chose to step up & with the help of my awesome, loving parents, & wonderful friends, I found a car. I chose to do something instead of sit around & whine about it.

Lately, a few situations have popped up that have put me in a funk. Nothing big, but it’s all a bit overwhelming with everything happening at once. With that, I have been thinking a lot about happiness, my happiness & how I decide whether or not to be happy. Honestly, if I just stop stressing about something & try to discard it, not avoid it, but just stop grasping on to it with all my might, then I feel better. I feel happy.

That’s what I intend to do, to stop holding on to things with everything I have. Now, I don’t mean my dreams or things that I, Cassie, have control over. No, I mean things that I cannot help, like, other people’s decisions & by chance mishaps (like cars breaking down). I can only control what I do & how I feel about what other people do. This goes for everyone. You can choose to be miserable & mope around aimlessly whining OR you can choose to be happy & live life to the fullest. Don’t let other’s get you down. If it is one thing I’ve learned since High School, even in High School, it’s that people are people & they’re going to do what’s good for them. So, why not do what’s good for you & chose to be happy?

MISTAKES OF 2011.

I think most people are afraid to make mistakes, I know I am. I feel as if 2011 was a year of a whole lot of mistakes. I will list a few.

• I keep dating people who are too young for me. YES, I am aware. Shut up.
• I tried to fix a lot of things that I should have just left alone.
• I let a boy come between me & a close friend.
• I waited a year too long to become friends with people at school.
• I tried to get back together with a couple of exes & that was just a dumb idea.
• I watched a movie & got an idea in my head & then it ruined something that could have been really great with a special person.
• I did not study enough. Well, until the end of the semester when I had to put my ass into overdrive & then it still was not enough.

Maybe to someone looking in and not knowing what went on, some of these seem like minor mistakes. These mistakes, though, had a big impact on my personality & the way I treat people. However, I’m going to give a few good things for every mistake.

• Now I know my limits or I have limits…
• Now I know that trying harder is not always a good thing & that I need to be less stubborn in all aspects of my life. I should be more accepting of what is happening & deal with it. Or in some cases, trying to impress someone against your morals is REAAAAALLY stupid. A lot.
• Me & this girl have made up & now I’m paying for what I did to her, but that’s okay because I was a bitch & totally deserve it. Now I won’t ever put myself into that situation again.
• I will not be shy in new situations or at least I am going to try! I know I will regret not putting myself out there later.
• Exes are exes for a reason. That chapter is over, they probably haven’t changed or they have, but now they have to pay for what they did to you. A few months, or a year or two does not change much about a person, generally. Drink some fresh new water and leave your backwash behind.
• If I could go back to May of last year & slap myself for thinking this would actually work the way it did in the movie, I would. Life is not like the movies in that there is a story after the credits. Think about it.
• SCHOOL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW. I’m studying to obtain a degree in theatre. So, I should probably take it more seriously than boys & friends & stupid stuff. Makes sense, huh? Seeing how theatre is one of the things I love most.

All of these small mistakes lead to major happenings in my life. I have some stories, let me tell you, but from those mistakes I have become a stronger person. I know more about what is right and what is stupid. This past year has taught me quite a bit about taking a chance even when there are repercussions to your decision. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and see what happens. Those chances may end up being mistakes, but I would have rather taken the chance & said sorry than not taken the chance at all.

So, thank your 2011 for offering me chances to take and mistakes to make. You won’t learn any other way. :)